anger
i am consumed by it. i feel a monster rage inside me and i explode. i lashed out several times at O today. for taking WP’s phone. for touching my wallet. for peeing on the rug.
i immediately apologized to him. after each incident. and it just kept on happening.
mom lost her wallet today. kept asking for a pity party. pissed me off. i am so angry at them for making me this way. so angry they couldn’t be present and teach me better. so angry that it’s my responsibility to be better for O.
i am sick of dealing with all this crap. with mom and dad. with the house. with all their shit. with mom’s shit. dad’s shit. i can’t stand being around them. i know i’m going to regret it all and miss them so much one day, but i just cannot stand what i’m feeling. it feels like too much.
i just want to scream and flip my fucking lid off.